What do you do if somebody asks you for advice? Tell him he's blaming others instead of himself and that he's worshipping a false god.

I look for instances when the counselee places blame for his own behavior at the feet of others.

Scapegoat, 2012, bronze sculpture

One of the most powerful strongholds of spiritual blindness is the fortress of blame.  We all find creative ways to blame others for what we have done.  From the child who says, "He did it first!" to the man who says he committed adultery because his wife didn't pay him enough attention, we sinners tend to hide in the fortress of other people's sins.  And we vigorously justify our own sin in the face of another's mistreatment.

At these times I stop to ask, "Are you really saying that ...?" questions.  I want the person to face the implications of his words.  So I ask the adulterous man, "Are you saying that there is a direct connection between your wife's neglect and your unfaithfulness?"  Or, "Explain the connection you see between your adultery and you wife's attitude toward you."  Or, "What other responses could you have had to the hurtfulness of you wife's response?"  I want my counselee to stop hiding behind the sins of others so he can do something constructive with his own actions and attitudes.

I seek to uncover functional distortions in the person's view of God

The Adoration of the Golden Calf by Nicolas Poussin

Listen to the God-talk of your counselees.  Listen to the questions they ask about God's person and work.  Listen for plausible theological lies.  Few people will suddenly reject the God of the Scriptures to become avowed atheists.  However, many fall away into a cold and distant theological cynicism as the God of their functional theology becomes one who is worthy of neither worship nor respect.

I look for evidence of the person letting go of the means of grace and Christian growth, such as daily personal worship, the gatherings of the body of Christ, Christian friendship and fellowship, the teaching of the Word, and corporate worship.  I seek to understand why they have withdrawn, hoping to expose and understand the lies that have led to a weakened faith in God and a loss of motivation for pursuing deeper communion with him and his people.


Source: Paul David Tripp. Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands: People In Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change. (Phillipsburg, New Jersey: P&R Publishing Company), 2002, pages 307, 310-312.