Christian Psychologists believe that our souls are relational and permeable and that God has designed us to absorb the presence of others

Our way of relating to others is affected by our earliest experiences as babies

Sweet Dreams, by Belgian artist Firmin Baes

Learning to relate starts at least as early as the day we are born (and probably in the womb).  Our way of entering into and maintaining all our relationships (not just marriage) is one of the earliest psychological structures formed in us.  We come into the world neurologically wired to make connections, to attach to others.  When our early connections are healthy, we will find it easier to connect well as adults.  To the extent our emotional attachment with our primary caregivers is lacking while we are children, we will find our relational capacity limited as adults.

Our Learned Relational Attachment System affects our future relationships

"Weak-strong-ties" by derivative work: PalfretWeak-strong-ties.jpg:g

It is virtually impossible to overstate the significance of our learned relational attachment system in the early years and its profound influence on our relational experience as adults.  The quality and character of the programming we received early in life establishes a pattern of attachment that controls our relationships later in life.

God designed us to absorb the presence of others

Famille d’un Chef Camacan se préparant pour une Fête ("Family of a Camacan chief preparing for a celebration") by Jean-Baptiste Debret shows a woman breastfeeding a child in the background.

We are able to attach to others because our souls are relational and permeable.  God designed us to absorb the presence of others, especially when we are young.  Two primitive instincts are in service of the infant's attachment design.  First is the sucking instinct.  It fosters a bond with the mother whereby the child absorbs both the physical and emotional needs of the young soul.  Second is the instinctual search for the gaze of another's eyes.  Looking for and locking on to the eyes of another also fosters a bond.  These instincts build the neural network that compels the infant's connection with others.

Our attachment network controls how we connect with others

A mother breast feeding—a process that facilitates mother–infant bonding.

The attachment system is so significant and comprehensive that it literally organizes and influences the development of other critical neurological systems in the body.  Our feelings, will and memory come under its domain in the first months of life.  When our cognition comes online later, it will also be under the influence of our attachment system.  In other words, the attachment network compels us to connect with others, and it eventually controls how we connect with others.

Source:  Plass, Richard and James Cofield. The Relational Soul: Moving from False Self to Deep Connection. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2014, pages 24-25.